The child does not say, does not understand speech, does not respond to the name

When a non-teaching child comes to our center, for successful correction, we must determine the reason for the lack of speech and understand the disorder mechanism. I say "We", because "non-voluble" usually see together with our speaking copyright in the format of integrated consultation. Each for its part. We start from afar: is there a child with hearing problems? What does ENT say? In 99% of cases, the child "hearing", that is, the hearing is defined as standard.

In order to see the speed of processing hearing impulses in the brain, there is a simple test: behind the child you can throw a thickest book on the floor (so makes one of my teacher). I just slap loudly in your hands behind your back at the most unexpected moment. Very often the child turns his head only a few seconds (!). This is called a slow motion orientation. Remember yourself. If you suddenly hear a sharp loud sound behind the ear, you will flinch with all my body! Imagine how slowing the treatment of the auditory pulse in a child is, if, firstly, the reaction is weakened (not all the body shudders, but only turns into a slightly), and secondly, it is not instantly, and after a while.

Next, we look, whether the child understands a converted speech. To do this, we give various instructions, samples and observe how the child reacts, understands or does not understand, performs or does not perform. Cheat, confuse. We give the same instructions in different versions: "Show the nose at yourself, a bear, my mother, I have!". Etc. We definitely ask parents to make diagnostics by the method of ACP (acoustic stem caused potentials) and qC (cognitive caused potentials). As a rule, sample results are confirmed by hardware surveys.

Often parents coming to the reception, they say that the child "understands" is speaking, but this is not confirmed by the samples. Here the nuance is that even animals "understand" human speech, but not as we think. For them, it is not a set of semantic signs, but simply a certain common noise signal to which they get used to respond to anyway. For example, dogs get used to that after the word "walk" the owner will lead a pet to the street, so they run to the door. But if you say a word close to sound with another meaning, they will react the same. That is, this is the level of habit, "stimulus-reaction", and not a meaningful and arbitrary reaction to the converted speech. Approximately the same level is used to "understand" the speech of children with a violation of the recognition of converted speech. However, any changes in the situation, the formulation, the change of the interlocutor will cause confusion in the child.

Often such children in behavior resemble children with races. Imagine if you grew in a speech vacuum. This imposes a strong imprint on the entire emotional, communicative sphere, cognitive development (in the absence of correction, secondary mental retardation is developing), behavior (about such children they say that they are hyperactive, but their behavioral problems are caused by the absence of internal speech, because speech even in the internal plan Does not develop, unlike pure motor alalia).

Violation of an understanding of the processed speech may be due to Speech auditory agnosia and sensory Alalia. Now it is fashionable to share these two violations in theory, however, in practice, we are still rarely seeing pure sensory alalia without a violation of auditory speech perception.

What is the difference between the hearing speech agnosia from the sensory alalia?

I will tell you a little about the development of understanding of speech in ontogenesis. At the age of 1 year, priority development occurs in the temporal area of ​​the right hemisphere. That is, the child first matures the ability to holistically perceive Sneven (subject) noises (volume, tonality, source, melody, rhythm, intonation). Sneb noise includes sounds published by animals. This is a foundation for the subsequent understanding of speech, so the kids are so important to provide a varied sound environment. As a result, the child appears the first sound resistance. In correction, the speech therapists also use techniques for distinguishing various subject noises to pass this stage of development (if it was broken) and the subsequent formation of a speech hearing gnosis.

At the age of 1-1.2 years, secondary fields of the temporal cortex of the left hemisphere are included in the operation (they ripen completely by 2 years). And in the noise stream, the child begins to dilute speech sounds. His sound resistance is acquired by "human" pronunciation, vocalization, regulatory echolalia (repetition of heard words), interjections (oh, Buch, BAM) begin. This is not one sound, but a series of sounds and simple words that can already be used in the usual context (mother, dad, baba). This is the stage of ripening speech hearing gnosis. The child is still not available to the understanding of the meaningfulness of words, the context is important (necessarily subject). The immaturity of secondary fields of temporal bark leads to Speech auditory agnosia . And if this stage was not passed, then the further development of the understanding of the speech does not occur.

Next, the tertiary fields of the cortex ripen is a zone where the "overlap" of the dark, temporal and occipital bark occurs. The so-called TPO (TPO) zone. Or rear associative bark. And the spell-perceived words are begin to be saturated with various meanings, communicate with each other, gaining semantic shades and developing without tight binding to one subject. The child begins to master the native language. Tertiary fields among biological species are only in humans. Violation at this stage leads to sensory alalia.

The main practical problem is that the immaturity of the previous level of the auditory analyzer leads to the underdevelopment of the following. Sometimes it is impossible to differentiate, the formation of only secondary or already tertiary fields is impaired. And as the hardware diagnosis shows by the method of caused by potentials, often in children the impulse is impaired, without reaching the bark at all! That is, in fact, they have a weak neurosensory hearing, which was not in a timely manner. And if the impulse in the bark comes with a delay and in incomplete volume, then the primary, and secondary, and the tertiary bark suffer. Mastering language and thinking is violated.

What if the child does not understand?

At the stage of the correction "up to" the tertiary bark (that is, with the audio speech agnosia), Tomatis is perfect. This is also visible in practice (the understanding of speech in children is strikingly improved, who did not even respond to the name), and on the study of the caused potentials. Of course, the auditory stimulation must be combined with speech therapy classes, but without them, the jump in the perception of speech is always huge.

And at the level of the tertiary bark (when the auditory speech gnosis is well formed) for the development of the language, the assimilation of the meaningfulness of words, the elimination of adgrammaties is necessary to help the speech therapist. And classes need to be held regularly and for a long time.

By the way, I'm not a discrete understanding of speech deficits, it's not discrete (there is a speech, there is no speech, hence the term "Alalia", that is, the lack of speech), but continual, because even after the launch of speech, the child continues to master the language system (so I really love the term "dysfasia development ").

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Neuropsychologist Alexandrova O.A.

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You consider yourself a good parent who does everything for happiness and security of your child. But when the child does not listen without visible to the reasons, doubts are overcome, do you all do it right?

We have collected for you a few tips on how to behave with a naughty child and how to build strong and trusting relationships with the future generation.


Does age value?

With age, the ability and willingness of the child react to the request of the parent. The child must learn to manage its desires and gust to recognize the authority and meet the expectations of the people around him.

Despite the fact that children often "go around the edge" and test the boundaries of the permitted, systematic disobedience is a serious problem at any age. Permanent disobedience can jeopardize the well-being of the child separately and families in general, as well as to grow into a stable problem model of behavior.

Age crises in children 3-7 years

Children of pre-school age are egocentric - in their opinion, the world exists only to meet their needs and interests. At this stage, the child has been formed confidence in parents and guardians, but there is an instinctive sense of danger and suspicion in relation to other people, especially unfamiliar.

Preschoolers begin to control their behavior and check the boundaries of independence and permissions. They think and argue with specific terms, and not abstract and hypothetical images. Preschoolers do not assess things and situations from the position of someone else's point of view. Each action has a self-centered, clearly directed target. Children of this age do not postpone the satisfaction of desires to the background - when they want something, they want it immediately.

All this makes them sensitive to the surround. Family harmony and stability in the house are the basis of the calm and happiness of the child. Scandals and quarrels in the family can postpone a significant imprint on the psyche of the preschooler. As a result, he can block into himself, try to look for support elsewhere or try to escape.

Tips that will help you improve relationships with a child of preschool age:

  • Create a day mode with a sufficient time for sleep and leisure, as well as regular food intake. Tired, hungry and bored child prone to irritability and disobedience;
  • Concentrate only on direct communication with the child. Postpone all things and do not distract anything. Install the visual contact if you want to say something or ascend;
  • Be the right example, demonstrating communication skills, such as the ability to listen, focus, establish visual contact and ask clarifying issues;
  • Communicate accessible languages ​​and simple concepts;
  • Specify that the child listened to you, I understood and took words to action. Quite simple "yes";
  • "Because I said so ..." - You do not always need to explain the motives underlying a request, because sometimes it leads to unnecessary issues and quarrels;
  • Avoid repetitions of the same question or requests again and again - it undermines your authority.

These tips will help strengthen parental authority and improve your relationship with the preschooler. At this age, a child with a smaller probability will resist and manifest disobedience, if you receive clear instructions and will feel support.

The child does not listen at 8-12 years old: what to do?

In elementary school, children communicate more with their peers, teachers and other reputable figures for them. They begin to feel confidence and pride for their successes, skills and new abilities. Their sense of identity is still developed quite strongly - children only "prove him", learning self-control and independence. However, since their attitude to risk, responsibility and social norms cannot be called mature, they tend to act impulsively, going on curiosity.

Schoolchildren behave more organized and argued, rather than their younger brothers and sisters. Nevertheless, such children are still not able to think abstractly - most of their thoughts and actions are aimed at a specific, clearly set goal. Schoolchildren may summarize specific information, but requests and rules established by their parents should still have a clear and reasonable character:

  • Always try to give the child a choice of two possible options. Insist on choosing from the proposed options, even if children require another option;
  • Include mandatory communication with the child with a child to different topics;
  • Do not decide all the problems for the child - it is better to ask what decision he sees, discuss the pros and cons;
  • Use authoritative phrases, such as "I want you to ...", and "Now is the time for you ...";
  • defend your power and authority calm, but decisive tone;
  • Ask the baby to think and write about what he did wrong and how to fix it. Then discuss it;
  • Simplify "FAMILY RULES" as much as possible. Examples: (1) Respect yourself and others, (2) - respect someone else's property and (3) Listen and perform. These rules will become the basis of a positive family atmosphere.

Clear rules, instructions and upholding of parental authority are very important for the correct relationship with the child of younger school age. Children must learn respect. In addition, schoolchildren need to be explained that although it is important to recognize and share their emotions, they should not take the top and cause disagreement in the family.

How to communicate with a naughty teenager?

Teenagers have a more developed sense of self-identification. The way they perceive themselves determine their view in their place and significance in the world. It forms the basis of values ​​and beliefs that determine their behavior. They better understand the rules and expectations that society presents to them. However, it is important to understand that adolescents are constantly "testing" the degree of its independence and control in the context of these borders.

The behavior of the adolescent depends on three factors: identity, degree of excitability and the amount of accumulated stress. Young people are less prone to risk, but their behavior often seems more causing. But, most often, it happens inadvertently. Just they need clear boundaries within which they will develop and grow up.

If the child of adolescence does not feel support, respect and recognition in the family, he will look for them in another place. In addition, without the participation of family members in his life, the teenager becomes aggressive and depressive.

Read also this difficult age: how to help children and parents survive the teenage period?

According to official statistics, annually in the Russian Federation from the house there are more than 50 thousand children. The average age of "losses" is 10-13 years old. Children escape or become naughty for various reasons:

  • domestic violence or cruel appeal to the child;
  • family problems (for example, traveling parents, divorce, new baby, new stepfather / stepmother);
  • Grass and bullying in an educational institution;
  • Stress due to problems in school, peers, alcohol or drug use or other problems (for example, unhappy love, money problems, bad housing conditions, etc.).

In addition, it may be problems with mental health, including depression and anxiety. Or the teenager did something shy and ashamed.

The first important step with disobedience of a teenager, when he refuses to fulfill requests and follow the rules of parents - studying the causes and deeper motives of his behavior. Decide these questions calmly and with understanding. Ask explanations.

  1. As a parent, focus on your attitude to the child, and not on the methods of upbringing and disciplines. Save a positive attitude.
  2. Constantly show love, respect and its significance. Keep in mind that adolescents are especially sensitive to failures and failures.
  3. Remember that in adolescence, the child is experiencing all feelings in a hyperbulous form - be it shame, embarrassment, fear, love and so on. Show respect and sympathy for his emotions.
  4. Respect the experience and intelligence of your child. Now he is in the early stages of making control over his life. Show a teenager that you see his development, see how he grew up and became wiser. Be a friend and mentor, not a commander and boss.
  5. Clearly and clearly explain what you want from the child. Forget about hints and veiled form of information.
  6. See, say and act with full confidence in your parent authority.
  7. Do not fight with a teenager for power. For example, do not prohibit anything to do, but warn about possible consequences.
  8. Control at the level on which the child demonstrates maturity. For example:
    1. If the child manifests selfishness and egocentrism, then you must show demanding and even manipulation;
    2. If he goes from the fight against cooperation, then you must change the dictatorship of the readiness for negotiations;
    3. If the child has a well-developed sense of responsibility, then select a soft version of control (encourage its initiatives, show respect and sympathy.

Please accept the fact that your child, by going to the adolescent phase of development, most likely, will want to straighten your wings a little and check its independence. It is important that you allow him to interact with the world on its terms while the teenager is in relative security.

Now let's look at some of the possible reasons why children show disobedience and how to deal with it.

Why does the child not obey


There are many reasons why the child does not want to obey and reckon with your desires and requirements. Perhaps he simply does not understand what is required of it. There is a huge distinction between the child who prefers not to obey the instructions or act contrary to your expectations, and the child who is not capable of these instructions to perform.

A conscious choice is not to listen to the parent often based on the benefit - a child takes disobedience as an opportunity to shine in front of friends, having fun or escape from the situation unpleasant to him. He may not understand why they are waiting for obedience, not to see the unpleasant consequences of their disobedience or, on the contrary, to expect discomfort from obedience to the parent. Older children can also become incredulous if they consider that the parent or another figure of power is not enough wisdom and respect.

Inability to comply with the requirements - this is something completely different. The child may not understand what is waiting for him. It may not be able to restrain his emotions or control behavior. Such children most often discovered internal discomfort or conflict, which encourages them to do "strange" things.

When you, as a parent or educator, will understand whether the child's behavior is a conscious choice or involuntary action, you must proceed to the evaluation of this behavior. Try to be objective and always look deeper to find real causes underlying disobedience.

Some possible reasons:

  • peer pressure;
  • consumption of psychoactive substances;
  • problems with mood (for example, anxiety, depression);
  • susceptibility (for example, mental retardation);
  • injury (for example, serious loss, bullying);
  • Problems with self-control (for example, suppression of anger, hostility);
  • paranoia (for example, distrust);
  • Antisocial features of personality (for example, lies, severity).

Depending on the degree of seriousness, professional assistance may be required to solve any of these issues. If you are very concerned, it is better to contact a specialist. However, remember that with the exception of any serious deviations and psychological problems, non-systematic disobedience is found among children of all ages when they check the boundaries of permitting and independence.

In addition to the already mentioned tips distributed in age categories, there are some common ways to help the parent cope with a naughty child.

Tips for parents

Experts allocate two methods to establish relationships with a naughty child. The first is called "Contact Contact Before the request", and that's how it works.

Establish contact before requesting or requirement

When you want your child something to do something, first calmly observe what he is busy at this moment. Rate the level of interest and passion of the child.

Comment on or ask the question that the baby does to demonstrate interest. "I see that you ..." or "Tell me, what are you doing so interesting?"

Ask, can you join him. Let your child assume the initiative for your participation in general matter.

Wait for the natural completion of the case or ask the child if he wants to do something else.

The choice gives children a sense of control. Such actions you showed the child that his opinion is important to you, his hobbies.

As a result, you have a much more chance of "cooperating" with a child without barbing and disobedience than if you gave immediate instructions.

Rule five minutes

Another effective method is to use 5-minute warning techniques.

Children of all ages, especially small, resist monotonous activities. If you tell the child that you want him to do something in five minutes, it will answer his desire to switch from one type of activity to another. Do not ask to make it right now, immediately ... And after five minutes.

Again, this approach gives children a sense of control. And gives a chance to the parent to make the child do what you need.

For example:

- "Five minutes later you have to brush my teeth";

"I want to get out of the house in five minutes."

Try. You will be pleasantly surprised at how much such, at first glance, a simple technique reduces the hysterics, indignation and quarrels in the family.

Other advice

Here are some more additional advice, how to deal with an incomplete child. First of all, save a positive attitude, calm and respect your child. Be a good example for imitation.

  1. Control your emotions. Always try to understand what you feel and why. Be honest with yourself. Find a deeper reason for which something causes anger, disappointment or disapproval.
  2. Express your emotions and give the child the opportunity to do the same. Do not be afraid and do not be ashamed to tell others how you feel and why. Try to be objective and specific.
  3. Keep calm, even when you are upset. Find a lesson or a hobby that will help relax and restore the internal balance. You can go on a jog or walk on the street, listen to music and so on.
  4. Try to understand the point of view of your child. Ask clarifications if something is incomprehensible to you. If you listened carefully, the problem is already half solved.
  5. Explain your position in the language that your child can understand. Give him or her good reasons for restrictions and prohibitions.
  6. Do not use threats, pressure, intimidation to force your child to obey.
  7. Discuss a question that bothers you. Be specific. Give the child the opportunity to explain. Listen carefully.
  8. Do not focus on the problem. Focus on solving. Make a list of at least three possible options. Ask a friend, family member, teacher or neighbor to contribute if necessary. Another point of view usually helps to move forward.
  9. Show your child respect for a valuable family member. Admit its strengths, skills and ability. Make a list and see how each of these strengths can be used to solve an existing problem.
  10. Give the child freedom and the ability to independently make decisions and experience the consequences.

These tips should help you improve your relationship with your child, regardless of its age.

When you identified one or more factors that play a crucial role in disobedience of your child, appreciate the influence of each of these factors on the physical and emotional state and the development of the child. If you suspect that the child's refusal to listen and fulfill your requests and assignments is systematic and has long-term consequences, more decisive actions should be taken.

The identified sources of frustration usually lead to such behavioral problems as a refusal of obedience, dispute or revenue, as well as problems with anger.

You must return the trust and understanding of your child. Being a family means you are a team that always works together.

What to do if the child does not listen

Sex Ed for Kids

A child who does not listen to or refuses to obey his parents, most likely, has good reasons for that. As a parent, you must objectively and honestly appreciate your behavior and relationship with the child. What he is older, the harder to understand the cause of disobedience.

If you are worried that your child can escape from the house, contact a bad company, "Having walked" down the street at night, or to get under the influence of a strangers - take more serious measures than a simple warning and punishment.

Listen to your child. Look for deviations in behavior that may indicate the presence of serious problems in his life. You must figure out where your child is spent with whom. This information will give you an additional sense of confidence, calm and control. An excellent option is to establish the application "where my children", which is the best tool for parents to track the location of the child. With it, you can assist your child quickly and on time.

And remember, while your child is safe, let him a space for development and experiments. Balance of kindness and hardness in your educational approach, and you will be surprised how many problems will be solved naturally.

Banner where my children

In the life of many parents there was such a situation: peaceful, quiet, a calm child suddenly became a real rue and ceased to obey. It's one thing when he missed him and there are problems with socialization. However, there is something completely different - the personal crisis has been called, with which it is no longer possible to cope with it, and it is fluttered out. Adults need to understand what he lies, and help resolve it.

Why does the child not obey

If the child does not listen and does not behave as before, do not rush to punish him or drag on a consultation to a psychologist. It is necessary to find out the reason for such unexpected behavior. And believe me: the case is most likely not at all in your system of upbringing, because then such outbreaks of disobedience and stubbornness would be permanent. If this is a single case, it testifies to some turning point in the formation of a childhood personality, which must be resolved with minimal losses.

The most typical reasons why children do not listen to parents are reduced to the following:

  1. Age crisis (3, 7, 10, 13-14 years).
  2. Resentment (unfairly punished, did not notice, they said superfluous).
  3. Poor mood, unimportant well-being, illness.
  4. Interpersonal conflict with any person from the environment.
  5. Mind of the desired and reality.
  6. Rejection of behavior and beliefs of someone from adults.
  7. If at the birth of the second child first ceased to obey, the cause of the banal is the elementary jealousy and the feeling of unnecessaryness.
  8. Accident: put an undesuned assessment, a friend betrayed, his homework does not work, something lost, they did not let go for a walk and so on.
  9. Lack of love, attention, care from adults.
  10. The desire to self-esteem, prove to all and the power of your character.

It should be understood that these are only the most common reasons. Do not forget that every child is individual, so it can have its own motives that go beyond typical.

Output. The first step towards the correction of the wrong behavior of the child is to understand why this happens, and try to eliminate the reason for the unexpected and "unscheduled" disobedience.

Case from practice. It is sometimes understood that he drives the child, it is difficult, because the cause can be an accident in which no one is to blame, but, nevertheless, it can turn his inner world. Parents of a seven-year-old boy turned to a psychologist. Until a certain moment, he grew up happy and adequate - calm, polite, well studied, went to music school. The family is prosperous. At some point, he unexpectedly closed from everyone, became gloomy and sullen, began to gripe, not obey, could just ignore adults, began to learn badly. Disassembled all possible reasons, ranging from the bulgar from the school and ending with the age crisis.

The real reason turned out to be completely different - a ridiculous chance, which almost broke the psyche of the boy. One day, a neighbor came to visit his mom, they sat in the kitchen, the door was ajar. The child went to ask something, but suddenly heard his mother said that he was a receiving! She told how he was taken by a little from the orphanage, as it was difficult for them with dad and everything in such a spirit. The bottom line is that he understood this conversation. In fact, his mother read the guest note in social networks about another family. This was the cause of an unexpected rebar.

To convince the child that he did not understand everything, I had to look for that note, attract a neighbor, but most importantly - the problem was solved.

Manifestations of disobedience

Sometimes to understand the reasons for disobedience helps the analysis of how the act of non-obstinate is happening. Psychologists allocate 5 most typical samples.

Option 1. Dangerous behavior

In this case, the child ignores parents when they ask him to be careful and prohibit what can entail dangerous consequences. The kids seek on purpose running on the roadway, stick the fingers into the outlet, grab the knife, stretch to the jar with vinegar. Teenagers begin to smoke, try alcohol, are still walking, looking for themselves in the company of informal friends.


The reasons:

  • kids provoke a dangerous situation to see what they are experiencing;
  • Teenagers have a lack of adrenaline on the background of puberty.

What to do:

  • In two years, it is impossible to show your fear to the baby, it is enough to simply teach it a signal stop-words;
  • Teenager to write to the section of extreme sports.

Option 2. Protest

It is manifested in the fact that the child does not listen at all: refuses to eat, go to bed, go to kindergarten / school, helping the house. A three-year-old baby on the demands and requests of adult screams that it will not do that, throws things, turns away, closes her ears with his hands. Teens express protest silently through ignoring and privacy in their room.


The reasons:

  • The crisis is 3 years old when the kid must be asserted and seeing that his opinion is respected;
  • In adolescence, in 70% of cases, the rejection of food and trust conversations is dictated by unrequited feelings, in 30% - the rejection of adult behavior.

What to do:

  • show the baby that you are counting with him (ask what porridge it is to cook today, which T-shirt he will put on the garden);
  • Surround a teenager care, not to conflict with him, try to bring to a confidential conversation, analyze intrameal relationships.

Option 3. Purpose

At some point, the child begins not to obey with strangers. At home, he behaves calmly, fulfills requests and requirements, observes the prohibitions. But it is worth someone to visit or you go outside, the situation is radically changing. And the unclean is expressed in the fact that he constantly interferes with adults: inclines into the conversation, climbs to mom in his arms, noise, demands to play with him. Parents are often ashamed for such a kid behavior, especially since they do not understand why he is so different in alone with them and in humans.

Age: three to five years.

Causes: Lack of attention.

What to do: to show more love and care towards him.

Option 4. ignoring

This type of disobedience kills parents more than others. In response to all requests and requirements, they hear one - silence. Teens begin in such situations to behave as if adults do not exist at all. They can put on the headphones or someone to call in the midst of the conversation.

Age: Teenage.


  • teenage riot;
  • In-family conflicts (reaction to the appearance in the house of a new person - stepfather or stepmother);
  • rejection of beliefs and principles.

What to do: In this situation, it is appropriate to show rigor and force a teenager to listen to all your claims. But at the same time get ready to understand it.

Option 5. Hysteria

One of the most vivid manifestations of non-obstinateness - when the child does not listen and pursues, in a categorical tone, it requires his own, rolls hysterics (lying on the floor, stuffing the legs, shouts with all his might). This usually happens when it does not get the desired. And one thing is when the reason is in spoils (in such situations it will hysteriate constantly) and it is necessary to change the education system in the root. And completely differently, it is necessary to take a single rebellion, if before that this did not happen.

Age: 2-3 years.

The reason is most often random based on the problem of the unformed nervous system of the situation:

  • not enough sleep;
  • Forced me in the morning unloved porridge;
  • undeservedly crowded;
  • fell ill;
  • Lost toy lost.

What to do: reassure, distract, concentrate the attention of the child on something else.

Output. Be sure to pay attention to how the child does not listen to you. Typical samples of behavior in such situations will help to understand what is wrong with him, and together solve the problem.

Case from practice. 15-year-old nine-grader, successful in learning, having many friends, sociable, polite with adults, in the lessons of biology closed in herself, did not work, did not obey the teacher when he was asked to answer or go to the board, he ignored him completely, even the test work was not wrote. But at the same time attended all classes. The reason was banal. From 5 to grade 8, he studied at another biology teacher, just hesitated him and was fond of the subject at an in-depth level. The new teacher did not accept, since he lost the first in professional qualities, allowed actual errors when explaining the material that the guy noticed due to its passionateness.

What ended: a conversation was held with the young man that all people were different, but all respects were equally deserved. Parents hired him a tutor on biology so that he could additionally do. A new teacher was tactfully indicated that he carefully rechecked the material for errors and passed pedagogical retraining.

Age peculiarities

The behavior of adults will largely depend on the age of the rebellion. It's one thing if the mother does not listen to a small child, and quite another, if it makes a teenager with formed personal accentuations and giving himself a report that he does. In each case, education methods will be different.

Kids (2-3 years)

The main reason why the child does not listen in 2-3 years, - the contradiction between "I want" and "I can". And the negative is sent to loved ones, and most of all go to mom. As evidenced by unpleasure at this age:

  • negative attitude to any requests for adults;
  • lines (rejection of the existing day of the day, which the baby wants to adjust to himself);
  • stubbornness;
  • despotism (so little man is trying to establish power over parents);
  • depreciation (behaves badly);
  • Highlight (trying to do everything himself).

Two examples will help to distinguish nonility due to the age crisis and spoil.

If the upbringing is guilty: Mom calls him from a walk home, but he doesn't go, because he just wants to walk.

If the age crisis is to blame for 3 years: he will not go home just because he wanted and demanded mom, and not he decided himself. In this case, it is better not to put pressure, give to cool down (this happens for 5-10 minutes). Now you will see, soon he will make it, without reminders.

How to make the child listened to:

  • provide him more freedom (within the norm);
  • stay calm;
  • reduce the number of requirements and prohibitions;
  • respect his choice.

If the parent in a problem situation loses control over his own emotions and begins to shout, every time the abyss between them will only increase.

Preschoolers (4-6 years)

At 4 years old, when the crisis was 3 years old, the child usually subsides and parents are listened to the right upbringing. Exceptions can be chance that can be removed from anyone's equilibrium. It may be a disease, bad weather or quarrel.

In 5 years, cases of disobedience are observed more often and are connected mainly with children's fantasies. The child can invent himself a non-existent friend, to present himself to a space ranger, live in a fabulous world. Sometimes it goes beyond normal, and he ceases to perceive the surrounding reality as the main reality, replacing it with his dreams. Acts of disobedience are rare, usually it happens at the time of the game. Manifests itself in the form of complete ignoring.

What to do:

  • to attach to home affairs, explain the duties (climbing the hamster in the cage, fold toys);
  • more often walking with him;
  • limit the time per gadgets;
  • to carry sports;
  • Write in a circle, section, any studio-development.

By 6 years, with the relevant efforts of the parents, the situation is straightened and no problems with disobedience.

Junior school age (7-9 years old)

The reasons for which the child does not listen at this age are thoroughly studied by psychologists:

  • transition from preschool status to school;
  • changes in day mode;
  • active social interaction;
  • The first awareness of his mental "I" (previously felt predominantly physical).

The peak of the crisis falls for 7 years, when the child does not listen and ...

  • rude;
  • refuses to do homework;
  • does not want to go to school;
  • Pashers;
  • quickly tires;
  • closes.

The main mistake of the parents of first-graders - they require them too much, replace the textbooks toys, write down in various circles and sections, are forced to forcibly do lessons. Overlapping on the age crisis, all this leads to the fact that the child ceases to obey.

What to do: Patiently pop up a difficult period (in 8 years it will be marked not so vividly), to help the student adapt to new conditions, give preference to gaming activities.

Middle school age (10-12 years old)

In 10-12 years, they cease to obey, as a rule, girls. Many of them begin with sex ripening to this age, the hormonal background undergoes significant changes and in the literal sense of the word manages the behavior of an adheating daughter. She has secrets from parents, a circle of friends who trusts she is formed, she begins to be interested in fashion.

Outburst bursts are usually dictated by children's naive, but for the very teenager, extremely important factors:

  • The boy did not look in her direction;
  • Girlfriend left to walk without her;
  • A classmate has achieved great success in some contest;
  • Scales showed not what she wanted to see.

At such moments, the girls can also clap the door, and the hysteria will break out, and openly declare their disobedience to parents. If adults do not screw the situation, do not break off on a cry, but trying to understand what is happening, these bursts quickly pass and rarely happen.

With the boys 10-12 years, such problems usually do not occur, because the sexual maturation begins later.

Teenage years

One of the most difficult periods in the upbringing of the child. However, if he has been formed by the right value or priorities for the previous years, acts of disobedience will be:

  • not so frequent;
  • dictated by physiology (hormonal splashes);
  • Completely explained (from the point of view of a teenager, if he is heard);
  • Do not go beyond (escape from the house, extremist activities and other are excluded).

Most often, irregularity is manifested by ignoring. If the situation is heated, conflict (cry, slamming doors, crying) is possible. The main task of the parent is to understand why an adult child behaved in this situation in this situation, listen to him and together, calming down, find a way out.

Many parents are interested in how old the child begins to obey, and psychologists definitely respond to it. With proper education - already in 2 years. To this age, he must learn the main prohibitions and aware of the meaning of the words "no" and "it is impossible."

Output. In order to behave correctly when the child does not listen, it is necessary to take into account age crises.

What to do if the child does not listen

The main thing is to correctly formulate the task: not to force the child to obey your parents, but to teach, otherwise such goaling is doomed to failure. And that's why.

Fritz Perlz - an outstanding German psychotherapist - constantly led to an example of the relationship between parents and children, when the first to take on the role of "dogs from above", and the second - "dogs below". The first want to be for the second power, authority, their ways of exposure - orders, punishment, threats, pressure. The child has a different weapon - flattery, blackmail, lies, tears, manipulations, sabotage. And in a conflict situation in 90% of cases, the "Dog Bottom" wins.

In this regard, Fritz Perlz gave parents a good advice: if they want a child to listen to them, you need to stop making it to do it, command, teach, shame.

Main appliances and methods

Observe the day of the day

If from little age, teach it to get up and go to bed, eat, walk at the same time, in the future you can avoid situations when it will refuse to do it. It will simply be due to the habit of its body.

Household duties

More difficult with this. Often, the acts of disobedience are associated precisely with the refusal to clean their belongings, keep their room in order, help home. Here will come to the aid of Technique L. S. Vygotsky:

  1. Specific work on the house to which you want to teach the child, first performed by him with parents.
  2. Give him a detailed instruction how to make it one (for small can be illustrated).
  3. Several times he must perform it alone, but under the supervision of adults.
  4. Independent performance of the desired action (and regularly!).

Game / Competitive Activities

Want to teach the child to obey the first time? There is nothing easier! Love your request in the form of a game or competition. In the younger age, it fonds and triggers 100%. An ordinary tone ("Singing and eat immediately soup!") It is better to replace the joking-playful ("arguing, dad will eat you faster?"). However, here the main thing is not to pass a stick. This technique needs to be applied only in extreme situations when you feel that the behavior of the baby comes out from under control. In other cases, be neutral ("Let's go / time").

Example. Parents decided to enjoy the Son to Sports. Bought home the Swedish wall, put the horizontal bar in the yard. No persuasion forced the boy to start studying. Exactly as long as Dad offered him to arrange a weekly home Olympiad. We started the table, who, how many pushups / tightening / squats will do, agreed on prizes. It is clear that the final competitions needed to be prepared throughout the week. So the child and taught to play sports.

Zone of prohibitions

To teach a child, how to behave with adults and obey, Yu. B. Hippenreiter (a well-known psychologist) offers parents to draw 4 color sectors and prescribe prohibitions in them:

  1. The Green Sector - which is permitted 100% without any restrictions (for example, helping the house).
  2. Yellow - what is permitted with restrictions (walk only at a certain time).
  3. Orange - permitted in exceptional cases (go to bed a little later on holidays).
  4. Red - it is impossible at no circumstances (scream, demand, not obey).


This is a versatile method that is suitable for any age, including for teenagers, because with them to choose the tactics of behavior of the most difficult. The earlier it is to explain to the child that you need to obey your parents, the faster it will rise by this rule. From the biennium, pronounce the baby this simple truth so that it remains in his head.

At an older age, conversations are needed in order to find out the cause of unmanaged behavior. You can openly ask about it - if he trusts his parents, tells about his experiences. You can try this to find out through the leading questions. In any case, the situation cannot be left without attention, it must be spoken, so as not to miss control completely.

Methods of punishment

It happens that the act of disobedience is distinguished by invalid aggression and is not dictated by any logical reasons (he just wanted to do so, disobey, to do in its own way). In such cases, the question arises how to punish the child to indicate it that he did wrong. In this case, the advice of the psychologist will help.

  1. Deprivation of privileges: for example, a restriction or a complete ban of gadgets.
  2. Correction made: scattered toys - let him collect himself.
  3. Awareness of the deed: Leave one in the room for a while he will think about his behavior. It is necessary that he does not have access to his favorite entertainment (computer, toys, television, telephone).
  4. Apology: Teach the child to ask for forgiveness. And not only for the fact that he offended someone, but even for the fact that he did not obey you.
  5. Ignoring: Show him your discontent and do not communicate with him for a certain time.
  6. Acquisition of negative experience: Allow it to do what he wants, if you know exactly that there will be a negative result. So he will understand what an adult is even useful.
  7. Restriction of communication: if the act of disobedience was somehow connected with friends (they persuaded to go it somewhere without your permission), to stop their interaction.
  8. Public useful work: Does not listen - let the dishes or vacuuming, even if it is not included in his duties.

Parents must understand one capital truth: if a good, non-conflict, calm child suddenly ceased to obey, there are always reasons for this. This is not a character and not upbringing that manifest itself in acts of disobedience constantly. This is some partial factor, personal crisis, age feature. They must be revealed and to work out that such incidents arose as less as possible and did not spoil the family relationship.

Article on the topic: Naughty baby - who is to blame?

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12 reasons: why doesn't the child say

The reasons why the development of speech in a child occurs with the delay may be different. Influence has different factors - from physiology to psychological aspects. Some of them can be corrected independently, with others you will have to seek help from a specialist, but it is extremely important to understand what "prevents" the child to speak.

Qualified assistance will have a professional speech therapist. On the primary examination, the specialist will determine the reasons for which the speech is delayed, and will offer methods for correction.

Cause 1. Individual tempo

Undoubtedly, each child is unique and must develop in its own schedule. If your baby went a month before the son of a neighbor, but the word "mother" said a few weeks later, nothing terrible in it. Everyone has its own tempo.

Such a delay in the development of speech is also called - tempo. With a little delay, everyone will enter into its row and the child will form their ability to speak the same way as all children.

Pay only your attention that specialists are "allowed" to write off on the individuality only a small lag from the norm. Be careful!

Cause 2. No need

Oddly enough, an anecdote about an English boy who was silent for many years and spoke only when he filed the wrong cooked porridge, not so far from reality. Children who are overly torn parents really do not need to learn to verbally express their desires. Lack of motivation has a big impact on development.

Read also: the child understands everything, but does not say. What is the reason?

Cause 3. Pedagogical Launch

Such an unpleasant term means no need to deal with newborn child special exercises. The kid from birth should be surrounded by speech. If you do not talk to him, only performing the necessary care and feeding, do not communicate constantly, the formation of speech is impossible. Do not hear about speech facing him, the child is not able to expand the passive vocabulary, will not begin and speak well.

Cause 4. Bilingual Family

Bilingual children "have the right" start talking to some standards from the norm. I hear around my speech in different languages, they turn out to be in a more difficult situation than their peers who need to master only one language.

In order to properly build speech, the child must be separated from another language from the other. This requires a certain time. So it is quite acceptable and the delay in the beginning of the formation of speech, and the absence of common offers, and errors in the grammatical construction of phrases.

Cause 5. Stresses, adverse psychological situation

Unfortunately, stresses affect not only adults, but also for kids. Strong fright, not a comfortable psychological climate in the family, even quarrels between parents can cause the lagging for the formation of speech. Children need calm, positive emotions and a reasonable routine of the day.

Strong experiences, fright, psychological injuries can lead to stuttering and retarding speech and mental development.

Separately, it is also to allocate the problem of "hospitalism" by the kids. The absence syndrome of a speech caused by the excavation from the family in children placed in medical institutions is associated both with psychological stress and with deficiency of communication. Unfortunately, there are probabilities of the occurrence of this syndrome and at home children. Formal care for the child without established communication, love and attention from loved ones provokes a lag in development.

Cause 6. Negotivism in a child

Sometimes parents are so persistent in their desire to "talk" the child, which can cause denials from their Chad. Especially if the kid from birth is distinguished by stubbornness and is not inclined to make concessions.

The permanent requests of the family say some word lead to the opposite result - the baby can block in itself and even refuse to communicate.

Cause 7. Genetic predisposition

If the child is in no hurry to start talking, it is worth asking when his mother and dad told her first word. Heredity is a great thing. Perhaps the baby simply received the genes of a not very hurried parent.

However, be careful. Too much lag in the formation of speech can lead to other difficulties. For example, mental delay.

Cause 8. Complicated pregnancy and childbirth

The proper formation of the nervous system of the child may prevent intrauterine hypoxia or severe childbirth. As a rule, difficulties are detected during a survey at a neuropathologist at an earlier age, but they can become noticeable and during the actual development of speech.

For correction, it is necessary to carefully implement all the recommendations of specialists - from the neurologist to the flaw detected.

Cause 9. Hearing

To form an active dictionary, it is necessary that the child will first of all perceive speech around him. If he does not hear at all or hear badly, he will definitely have certain difficulties with the formation of speech - from its complete absence to problems with the pronunciation and construction of phrases.

You can check the child's rumor at the otolaryngologist.

Cause 10. Imperfection of the articulation system

The sound is formed when the speech apparatus is operated. If there are problems here, it will definitely affect the child's speech development. Reduced muscle tone, not enough long bridle of the tongue and other disorders cause difficulties with articulation.

It is worth paying attention if the child can not burn solid food, he has frequent saliva, the mouth is constantly opened.

Cause 11. Alahlia

This term means primary underdevelopment of speech centers. Arises as a result of damage to the cortex of the brain during early infancy or intrauterine development. This condition is described in more detail in the article about Alalia.

Let's just say that it will not work independently to cope with Alalia, be sure to seek help from specialists.

Check also, if your child has echolalia.

Cause 12. Problems of Intellectual Development

The formation of speech is directly related to the mental and mental development of the child. Various genetic diseases, autism, Down syndrome, mental backwardness will undoubtedly affect the speech. Work with specialists will help to establish communications and correct the formation of speech.

In order to help the child learn how to speak, it is important to know why the delay arose. You should not wait until the silent child speaks immediately with common offers. Consultation of the spectabula speech therapist will help detect the cause of the problem and build a plan for its decision .

We listed the general reasons for the lack of speech in children. In some cases, the child begins to speak as a result of home sessions with parents, but most often needed emergency assistance to specialists.

Normally at least some kind of speech (pronounced interest in adult words, understanding of reversed speech, brave words) should appear up to 1.5 years. If not even this, then parents do not need to look for causes and calm themselves, but urgently show the child a specialist.

The absence of speech limits the mental and mental development of the kid. Early diagnosis and correction gives a greater chance that speech development will go back.

What are the reasons for the lack of speech in 2-3 years, are experts? We will tell about them in more detail.

  • Autism. An experienced psychologist or psychiatrist can reveal the disease in children older than the year. For such a child, behavior is characteristic when he does not come to contact at all, even with mom and dad, and when communicating does not look into the eyes of an adult.
  • Mental retardation diagnosed with a psychiatrist and a defectologist.
  • Rinolalia It is put on examination immediately after birth. Requires urgent surgical treatment and classes with a logopian defectologist.
  • Aphonia - This is a violation of the function of the voice ligaments, often occurs when cerebral palsy. Such children have no voice at all. The treatment is engaged in the otoroolaryngologist, the phony and the speech therapist.
  • ONR (general underdevelopment of speech) associated with a decline in hearing, usually put the inviary children over 3 years old. Children with such a violation are usually very inattentive, for example, they do not react to quiet sounds. Consultation with an otorinolaryngologist and a defectologist is required.
  • SPR (speech delay) - The most common cause of the lack of speech in children in 2-3 years. It is characterized by the lack of full-fledged communication with peers or billingwisms at home. Need help for a flawthologist or speech therapist.
  • SRRR (Psycho development delay) due to pedagogical neglence. Usually, the violation is detected in 2-3 years. It occurs when parents do not develop speech at all or do it wrong, or, on the contrary, the baby is too torn. Another reason is unfavorable climate in the family. Help is provided by a psychologist and speech therapist.
  • AFAZIYA (1 level of ONR) It occurs in children over 3 years old with poorly treated head injury or as a result of severe illness. Speech disappears or is at an extremely low level. Parents usually complain that the child spoke by phrases, and then stopped. It is engaged in the problem of a neuropathologist and a speech therapist.
  • Anarterial, Articulation Apraqulica, Dysarthria (1 level of OR) - These violations are detected from kids from 2 years. Such a child can not eat hard food, blow, smile, pronounce sounds. Very often, these speech disorders are accompanied by cerebral palsy. Neuropathologist and speech therapist are engaged in treatment.
  • Motor Alalia (1 level of OR) It is usually placed in 2.5 years. The child understands the converted speech well, but can not speak, badly remembers, does not repeat the words for adults. Despite this, he can impress the smart and susceptible baby. For communication, it usually uses gestures and sounds that only close. Treatment is carried out by a neuropathologist and a speech therapist.
  • Sensory Alalia (1 level of ONR) , as a rule, is revealed at 2.5 years. Such children use their "tongue" to communicate, they do not understand, instinctively react only to the mother. Requires the help of a neuropathologist and a spectabula speech therapist.

Dear Parents! Remember that the speech therapist always holds two surveys. During consultation, on primary diagnostics, a preliminary diagnosis is usually made, most often it is SRRR, ONR or VRP. Dynamic examination is carried out during several classes. Even a very experienced speech therapist can deliver a real diagnosis only after it obsesses the child for some time.

Publication date: 01/31/2017. Last modified: 04.12.2020.

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